I sometimes hate myself. Most of the times i feel like i’m an underachiever for switching back into the economy too soon. I feel like i should’ve at least done my masters. And i’m absolutely sure that i’d feel like i HAD to do a phd once i finished my masters'. I know this for a fact and i know that there’s no use for that. I’d end up the same way i would today. I know that it wouldn’t make me any happier because i knew more of what i don’t know. I know i’d fall right into a depressed state of mind.

So to figure out why this still bothers me is a good thing to start with, i guess.

2: i still browse r/compsci regularly and still figure out that while the topics interest me to a degree i KNOW that i’ll not use any of those things in my daily work ever. why does it still bother me? i’m getting closer. i know i can still learn the things on my own terms without the pressure. maybe it’s the pressure…